so tonight was definitely not the best night, especially since i have school tomorrow.. smh. whatever..
so.. have you ever really loved someone.. to the point where it goes deeper than your mind, and heart.. like you love them from the bottom of yur soul. like it's like no matter what, you remain there. it's like you're walking on a narrow rope, and you're steady wobbling and shit, but you're faithfully walking.. and then BOOOOM. something hits and you're knocked over sgain, but this time you realize to fix what's broken.. you're just cutting your own self. *but don't cuts heal? yeah, but you're forever scared. i'm looking at my hands, and i still see the scares.. look down at my heart, the pace is getting slower, and my mind is just about dead. my soul.. where did it go? it's like i'm suffering from blood lost cause all these cuts and bruises.. idk what to do anymore.. i give up. you're not gettin cut like i am.. your feet aren't tired from walking on the ropes.. your mind isn't going crazy cause you keep thinking of ways to make it last .. and your heart doesn't hurt cause you don't care..
on to another topic.. you ever ask someone something and then you get te answer, and you sit there like.. damn girl, why even bother. shit is not changing..? lol, i did that to myself today. smh. but i mean, i wanted to know. and i found out.. it felt like i was pushed down from the sky.. like this world i pictured myself in. the world where it was just me and you.. but my landing, i ain't even reach it yet. i'm still falling down, hitting the layers of earth hard as hell.. tears falling like crazy, screaming for you to save me.. but you can't hear me.. you're not around anymore. i keep closing my eyes, squeezing them tight praying when i open them you'll be right there waiting for me..i can't tell you what number i'm on that i'm closing my eyes again.. i hear laughter coming from all directions, back, front, left, right, up, and down.. "told ya so" " should of let him go a loooonnnggg time ago" "now do you see him for the piece of shit that he is" "niggas like him don't deserve you anyway" blah blah blah... i'm trying to push all that BULLSHIT out. cause regardless what you may think of him..i loved him.. and i see him differently from you. smh, but i think it hit yo.. i'm just waiting to land.. and when i land i'll be paralyzed for some time.. but i know how to carry things with other people now..i think i would play my roles much better..only because i wouldn't participate in anything other than friendships. and i won't ever love you again.. or the next guy that comes along and tells me that i'm pretty and everything you've once said, i won't believe it. from all this falling, i'm becoming numb. it won't matter anymore..
i'll add your name to the list of guys i've loved, you're number 2. and you're the last. don't need no number 3. and no i'm not saying ima be the bitch that thinks niggas aint shit and being loved is hard to do.. i'ma just be the bitch that knows it already.
i've opened my eyes for the last time, checked my fone for the last time.. you're not around, you're not responding, i'm gone..
-JB*
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
--; What More Do You Want JB?
i want more! point blank! period! i'm an excessive person, you can tell when i shop. i'm never going to stop! give me an inch and i'll take a yard. say lick it, i'ma eat it. i get mine and will take yours! but i'm up front wit it! [lol]
anyway, i stayed up thinking about this boy. i think i love him. [ no i know i love him] but he don't love me. i make him happy; give him what he wants. i watch him love another girl, and i stay docked for him. i keep myself just for him. never left him and if i did, i came right back for him. i tell him nothing of my feelings, i know he doesn't care. i don't waste his time by telling him of the times imiss him and think of him. unless i'm being nasty, and when we get nasty, i hold back from him . tell him it's alright, but really it's the best from him. when he fuckin other girls, cause i know he fuckin other girls, i hope they choke on it. i hate the fact i'm not the only one, but he don't care. he do him regardless. i do everything for him, regardless. but it's out of love. and iknow if i didn't love him, i woulda been dropped him. and i know if i won't so nieve and easy, he might love me. he probably like "why pay for the cow when the milk is free" and i'm like "take care of the one who feeds you" and he'll be like "girl you don't feed me" and i'm like "well lemme fall back again." he be like "there you go again" and i'm like "whatever nigga, bye.." once again.
they say "jb why you want him anyway, someone like him to wife you." i'm sayin doh "i love that nigga yo." to me he is the stars that lighten my dark nights, the sun that warms me up on a cool day; the snow that adds to the winter scenery. he means everthing and more to me. i couldn't put a price on his smile, because it's priceless.
i don;t know why i'm writing this cause everyone knows he don't love me. he don't care about me. and he will never. and one day when it finally hits, i'm outta here. i'm leaving him. i'll stop loving him..for sure.
i won't do the things i do for him.. i'ma leave him! FOR SURE.
but until then; i'm sittin here...stuck on him.
yeah, so JB, what more do you want from him? he not puttin in more, so how can you expect more?.................
-Jhasmyn.!*
anyway, i stayed up thinking about this boy. i think i love him. [ no i know i love him] but he don't love me. i make him happy; give him what he wants. i watch him love another girl, and i stay docked for him. i keep myself just for him. never left him and if i did, i came right back for him. i tell him nothing of my feelings, i know he doesn't care. i don't waste his time by telling him of the times imiss him and think of him. unless i'm being nasty, and when we get nasty, i hold back from him . tell him it's alright, but really it's the best from him. when he fuckin other girls, cause i know he fuckin other girls, i hope they choke on it. i hate the fact i'm not the only one, but he don't care. he do him regardless. i do everything for him, regardless. but it's out of love. and iknow if i didn't love him, i woulda been dropped him. and i know if i won't so nieve and easy, he might love me. he probably like "why pay for the cow when the milk is free" and i'm like "take care of the one who feeds you" and he'll be like "girl you don't feed me" and i'm like "well lemme fall back again." he be like "there you go again" and i'm like "whatever nigga, bye.." once again.
they say "jb why you want him anyway, someone like him to wife you." i'm sayin doh "i love that nigga yo." to me he is the stars that lighten my dark nights, the sun that warms me up on a cool day; the snow that adds to the winter scenery. he means everthing and more to me. i couldn't put a price on his smile, because it's priceless.
i don;t know why i'm writing this cause everyone knows he don't love me. he don't care about me. and he will never. and one day when it finally hits, i'm outta here. i'm leaving him. i'll stop loving him..for sure.
i won't do the things i do for him.. i'ma leave him! FOR SURE.
but until then; i'm sittin here...stuck on him.
yeah, so JB, what more do you want from him? he not puttin in more, so how can you expect more?.................
-Jhasmyn.!*
Sunday, November 1, 2009
"So where's the party at?"
"In my pants".
anyway, i'm really feeling some type of way right now. like i'm just going to let it alllll out. i don't care if you feel offended or whatever. idc, so what bitch.
so let's talk about this boy! you can tell me if i'm wrong or not. idc, cause i still feel the same way. but whatever.
soo how about i hit this guy up, let's call him CT. i hit him up to see him cause he swear up and down i never hit him up. so i do it! he tell me to come to his friend house parrty. mmkay. so i do thhat. me n my friend leesa. so i mean we speak. exchange a few words n that's it. i know of some people in that house, i made associates. whatever.so then leesa looks at me n nods her head over to CT and was like really? lol. so he was definitely doin his thing for a goooood minute with another girl. i wasn't spoken to until i get up to leave, and he tries to give me a hug. smh. no sir. that's not flying with me. i was sooo pissed last night. i had tears in my eyes i wanted to punch the shit outta him. like if you were going to ignore my ass the whole night and dry fuck girls all night, why even bother. niggas i swear. and it's not like i'm mad that he was gettin danced on, cause i danced to. he coulda talked to his friends all night, it's just the simple fact that i was ignored. you don't ignore me. i know how to fix that though.
NEXT. i HATE DESPERATE BOYS!!!!! lol. haha. funny. here's the situation.
this boy tried to get at me over fb, tried to act like he was tryna get to know me on a friendship level. whatever, i'll do that. i dont care cause i don't like yo ass. my ass won't ever catch no feelings for you and i'll never fuck you. so let's call this guy TC. he definitely tried talking to my friend,me, and told my friend at the party that he would eat her out.. i mean, come on. how more nasty can you be. and wack at that. so moving on. you add my friend krystel and you KNOW we're friends and you're trying to get to know her ... come on bro. you act like females don't talk. YOU ARE WACK.
i have the worst attitude when people make me mad. smh. and i hate boys. especially the two i just mentioned. like, lose my number, don't speak to me when i'm around. ignore me last night, ignore me forever. don't talk to me, talk to my friends. assholes. UGH.
anyway, i'm really feeling some type of way right now. like i'm just going to let it alllll out. i don't care if you feel offended or whatever. idc, so what bitch.
so let's talk about this boy! you can tell me if i'm wrong or not. idc, cause i still feel the same way. but whatever.
soo how about i hit this guy up, let's call him CT. i hit him up to see him cause he swear up and down i never hit him up. so i do it! he tell me to come to his friend house parrty. mmkay. so i do thhat. me n my friend leesa. so i mean we speak. exchange a few words n that's it. i know of some people in that house, i made associates. whatever.so then leesa looks at me n nods her head over to CT and was like really? lol. so he was definitely doin his thing for a goooood minute with another girl. i wasn't spoken to until i get up to leave, and he tries to give me a hug. smh. no sir. that's not flying with me. i was sooo pissed last night. i had tears in my eyes i wanted to punch the shit outta him. like if you were going to ignore my ass the whole night and dry fuck girls all night, why even bother. niggas i swear. and it's not like i'm mad that he was gettin danced on, cause i danced to. he coulda talked to his friends all night, it's just the simple fact that i was ignored. you don't ignore me. i know how to fix that though.
NEXT. i HATE DESPERATE BOYS!!!!! lol. haha. funny. here's the situation.
this boy tried to get at me over fb, tried to act like he was tryna get to know me on a friendship level. whatever, i'll do that. i dont care cause i don't like yo ass. my ass won't ever catch no feelings for you and i'll never fuck you. so let's call this guy TC. he definitely tried talking to my friend,me, and told my friend at the party that he would eat her out.. i mean, come on. how more nasty can you be. and wack at that. so moving on. you add my friend krystel and you KNOW we're friends and you're trying to get to know her ... come on bro. you act like females don't talk. YOU ARE WACK.
i have the worst attitude when people make me mad. smh. and i hate boys. especially the two i just mentioned. like, lose my number, don't speak to me when i'm around. ignore me last night, ignore me forever. don't talk to me, talk to my friends. assholes. UGH.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
i'm not saying i'm gone but i ...
but i am. straight up.
so tonight it's like a venting night. FIRST off.!! i went shopping at the mall the other day & dropped like 500 dollars all on clothes, & shit. so like Areo decides to charge me twice for the shit, ugh. then today i go back and let the stupid asses know. and she talking about it's not in their system so it didn't go through. smh. well whatever cause while you were folding your clothes i was in the food court goin off about the situation on the fone with my bank, who indeed refunded my money & is about to take yours! biatchesss. nothing personal to the people directly. but don play wit my money!
second point tonight - so most of you know i expressed myself to someone i really do care about! however, i feel like it was a one time thing and since we were over the graduation date, you know.. things moved on. well i still feel the fucking same and the stupid shit won't go away. straight up. ughh. i don't even want to write anymore. yeah that's how upset iam. =/
but forever & ever, i'll be your friend. whatever that means to you.
anyways, im going to sleep. ima see ya later. tomorrow before i go to work, ima blog. :)
love.love.
-JB.
so tonight it's like a venting night. FIRST off.!! i went shopping at the mall the other day & dropped like 500 dollars all on clothes, & shit. so like Areo decides to charge me twice for the shit, ugh. then today i go back and let the stupid asses know. and she talking about it's not in their system so it didn't go through. smh. well whatever cause while you were folding your clothes i was in the food court goin off about the situation on the fone with my bank, who indeed refunded my money & is about to take yours! biatchesss. nothing personal to the people directly. but don play wit my money!
second point tonight - so most of you know i expressed myself to someone i really do care about! however, i feel like it was a one time thing and since we were over the graduation date, you know.. things moved on. well i still feel the fucking same and the stupid shit won't go away. straight up. ughh. i don't even want to write anymore. yeah that's how upset iam. =/
but forever & ever, i'll be your friend. whatever that means to you.
anyways, im going to sleep. ima see ya later. tomorrow before i go to work, ima blog. :)
love.love.
-JB.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
- In My Bed.* -
what it isssss. i'm back, & yeah it's another blog name because i feel like i'm 19 & wanna start off fresh. =P.
anyway, let's see here! first thing is, facebook!!! UH! i'ma do it for the team on this question! YO, WHY DO YOU KEEP CHANGING FACEBOOK! IT WAS FINE THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE YOU JUST START OD'N & CHANGIN SHIT. & WHEN THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO GET A DISLIKE BUTTON??!! my friend kwilson thinks i'm rude for this, but i really want a dislike button! it would give me so much joy! lol. i mean can you imagine just hittin dislike on someone's status? lol for instance - - Camille Jones is having a good day - - and you just like hit dislike on that shit! lmfao. omgosh!! shit would get real on fb. Jaslynn Donaldson just posted a picture...DISLIKE! lmao. tee hee hee. :) i think people should start a group, FACEBOOK NEEDS A DISLIKE BUTTON!
LOL TOO FUNNY!
moving on.. Best Friend <3* you know who you are & last night, that talk really hit me like something crazy. i never knew yu felt that way.. i guess it's true when they say you can love from a distance, cause i definitely truly love you. you were always there for me when i never wanted you to be. a shoulder to cry on when i wanted to wipe my own tears, you were just truly a best friend. & just so you know, i never liked them girls that were interested in you & vise versa. lol. but i told you this, so it's no surprise. i don't care either. =D. you're mine deep down inside. lol. but seriously, i hope we continue to be best friends forever and ever and ever...
Next subject isssssss how i'm becoming cool with people i sincerely hated. [Tajay & Lika.] lmao. yeah, i said it. now before you just go runnin off at the mouth, let it be known that Tajay was indeed my nigga for like 3 years.. until shit just started breakin. ya'll know i had heavy beef wit her, but we both grown now and realized that we gon be seein each other for like ever. [SHE STALKS ME. FIRST IT WAS AT HHS, THEN MENCHVILLE, AND NOW TNCC lol] i can't get away from the girl. HONESTLY; through all the shit talkin & what not, she cool wit me. REGARDLESS what you heard, i'm lettin it be known that me & her is cool! Along with Lika. LOL who i NEVER thought i would fuckin like, ever! i couldn't stand her, but you know like i said we growin up around here & acknowledged the wrong doing we did. so SHOUTOUT TO TAJAY & LIKA. big ups to ya'll. & for ya'll who got some slick shit to say, that just shows how childish you bitches are. real talk.
hmm, what else is there to talk about!! OOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
THOMAS NELSON JUMP!!- - buurrr? lol, okayy okaayy. i know i'm cute & all. got a lil cute shape to me & yeah my outfits be whylin. HOWEVER, why are you niggas lyin on ya shit talkin bout you fucked me?? LOL really. Bitch i can count on ONE hand how many niggas i've been with. I can tell you their whole names & everything & when we did it. now how many bitches in HAMPTON alone can do that. I'm 19 & know exactly how many people i've slept with. What girl you know at my age, or whatever age, can count on ONE hand.? yeahhhhh exactly. you niggas sayin i get around... AROUND WHERE? campus my nigga, i be hittin up my classes. but yo i won't even lie, i stay in a niggas face & i flirt. wtf, i can't help it. i'm single & i know i'm cute & i can do whatever. but noone is fuckin this, lmao. that's the funny part about it all. smh. i don't understand why niggas gotta lie and say they fucked. nigga you're lucky if i speak back! majority of niggas don't have my number! i can tell you who all has my number and how they got it! lmao, you bitches are funny, and lemme hear this shit myself & you will see J act a damn fool & i will play the shit outta ya . you niggas mad cause ya dick small, and ya condoms slippin off. smh. but not inside of meeee!!!!
anyway i got a paper to write. lol soo i'm outta here. just wanted to let ya'll know i'm still here. shit just been crazy! leave comments & say whatever. & if you have a topic you'd like me to speak on, spark the shit. i'll respond.
-love love. JhasmynCamille.
anyway, let's see here! first thing is, facebook!!! UH! i'ma do it for the team on this question! YO, WHY DO YOU KEEP CHANGING FACEBOOK! IT WAS FINE THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE YOU JUST START OD'N & CHANGIN SHIT. & WHEN THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO GET A DISLIKE BUTTON??!! my friend kwilson thinks i'm rude for this, but i really want a dislike button! it would give me so much joy! lol. i mean can you imagine just hittin dislike on someone's status? lol for instance - - Camille Jones is having a good day - - and you just like hit dislike on that shit! lmfao. omgosh!! shit would get real on fb. Jaslynn Donaldson just posted a picture...DISLIKE! lmao. tee hee hee. :) i think people should start a group, FACEBOOK NEEDS A DISLIKE BUTTON!
LOL TOO FUNNY!
moving on.. Best Friend <3* you know who you are & last night, that talk really hit me like something crazy. i never knew yu felt that way.. i guess it's true when they say you can love from a distance, cause i definitely truly love you. you were always there for me when i never wanted you to be. a shoulder to cry on when i wanted to wipe my own tears, you were just truly a best friend. & just so you know, i never liked them girls that were interested in you & vise versa. lol. but i told you this, so it's no surprise. i don't care either. =D. you're mine deep down inside. lol. but seriously, i hope we continue to be best friends forever and ever and ever...
Next subject isssssss how i'm becoming cool with people i sincerely hated. [Tajay & Lika.] lmao. yeah, i said it. now before you just go runnin off at the mouth, let it be known that Tajay was indeed my nigga for like 3 years.. until shit just started breakin. ya'll know i had heavy beef wit her, but we both grown now and realized that we gon be seein each other for like ever. [SHE STALKS ME. FIRST IT WAS AT HHS, THEN MENCHVILLE, AND NOW TNCC lol] i can't get away from the girl. HONESTLY; through all the shit talkin & what not, she cool wit me. REGARDLESS what you heard, i'm lettin it be known that me & her is cool! Along with Lika. LOL who i NEVER thought i would fuckin like, ever! i couldn't stand her, but you know like i said we growin up around here & acknowledged the wrong doing we did. so SHOUTOUT TO TAJAY & LIKA. big ups to ya'll. & for ya'll who got some slick shit to say, that just shows how childish you bitches are. real talk.
hmm, what else is there to talk about!! OOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
THOMAS NELSON JUMP!!- - buurrr? lol, okayy okaayy. i know i'm cute & all. got a lil cute shape to me & yeah my outfits be whylin. HOWEVER, why are you niggas lyin on ya shit talkin bout you fucked me?? LOL really. Bitch i can count on ONE hand how many niggas i've been with. I can tell you their whole names & everything & when we did it. now how many bitches in HAMPTON alone can do that. I'm 19 & know exactly how many people i've slept with. What girl you know at my age, or whatever age, can count on ONE hand.? yeahhhhh exactly. you niggas sayin i get around... AROUND WHERE? campus my nigga, i be hittin up my classes. but yo i won't even lie, i stay in a niggas face & i flirt. wtf, i can't help it. i'm single & i know i'm cute & i can do whatever. but noone is fuckin this, lmao. that's the funny part about it all. smh. i don't understand why niggas gotta lie and say they fucked. nigga you're lucky if i speak back! majority of niggas don't have my number! i can tell you who all has my number and how they got it! lmao, you bitches are funny, and lemme hear this shit myself & you will see J act a damn fool & i will play the shit outta ya . you niggas mad cause ya dick small, and ya condoms slippin off. smh. but not inside of meeee!!!!
anyway i got a paper to write. lol soo i'm outta here. just wanted to let ya'll know i'm still here. shit just been crazy! leave comments & say whatever. & if you have a topic you'd like me to speak on, spark the shit. i'll respond.
-love love. JhasmynCamille.
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