-Smile.*

so tonight was definitely not the best night, especially since i have school tomorrow.. smh. whatever..

so.. have you ever really loved someone.. to the point where it goes deeper than your mind, and heart.. like you love them from the bottom of yur soul. like it's like no matter what, you remain there. it's like you're walking on a narrow rope, and you're steady wobbling and shit, but you're faithfully walking.. and then BOOOOM. something hits and you're knocked over sgain, but this time you realize to fix what's broken.. you're just cutting your own self. *but don't cuts heal? yeah, but you're forever scared. i'm looking at my hands, and i still see the scares.. look down at my heart, the pace is getting slower, and my mind is just about dead. my soul.. where did it go? it's like i'm suffering from blood lost cause all these cuts and bruises.. idk what to do anymore.. i give up. you're not gettin cut like i am.. your feet aren't tired from walking on the ropes.. your mind isn't going crazy cause you keep thinking of ways to make it last .. and your heart doesn't hurt cause you don't care..


on to another topic.. you ever ask someone something and then you get te answer, and you sit there like.. damn girl, why even bother. shit is not changing..? lol, i did that to myself today. smh. but i mean, i wanted to know. and i found out.. it felt like i was pushed down from the sky.. like this world i pictured myself in. the world where it was just me and you.. but my landing, i ain't even reach it yet. i'm still falling down, hitting the layers of earth hard as hell.. tears falling like crazy, screaming for you to save me.. but you can't hear me.. you're not around anymore. i keep closing my eyes, squeezing them tight praying when i open them you'll be right there waiting for me..i can't tell you what number i'm on that i'm closing my eyes again.. i hear laughter coming from all directions, back, front, left, right, up, and down.. "told ya so" " should of let him go a loooonnnggg time ago" "now do you see him for the piece of shit that he is" "niggas like him don't deserve you anyway" blah blah blah... i'm trying to push all that BULLSHIT out. cause regardless what you may think of him..i loved him.. and i see him differently from you. smh, but i think it hit yo.. i'm just waiting to land.. and when i land i'll be paralyzed for some time.. but i know how to carry things with other people now..i think i would play my roles much better..only because i wouldn't participate in anything other than friendships. and i won't ever love you again.. or the next guy that comes along and tells me that i'm pretty and everything you've once said, i won't believe it. from all this falling, i'm becoming numb. it won't matter anymore..

i'll add your name to the list of guys i've loved, you're number 2. and you're the last. don't need no number 3. and no i'm not saying ima be the bitch that thinks niggas aint shit and being loved is hard to do.. i'ma just be the bitch that knows it already.

i've opened my eyes for the last time, checked my fone for the last time.. you're not around, you're not responding, i'm gone..
-JB*

--; What More Do You Want JB?

i want more! point blank! period! i'm an excessive person, you can tell when i shop. i'm never going to stop! give me an inch and i'll take a yard. say lick it, i'ma eat it. i get mine and will take yours! but i'm up front wit it! [lol]

anyway, i stayed up thinking about this boy. i think i love him. [ no i know i love him] but he don't love me. i make him happy; give him what he wants. i watch him love another girl, and i stay docked for him. i keep myself just for him. never left him and if i did, i came right back for him. i tell him nothing of my feelings, i know he doesn't care. i don't waste his time by telling him of the times imiss him and think of him. unless i'm being nasty, and when we get nasty, i hold back from him . tell him it's alright, but really it's the best from him. when he fuckin other girls, cause i know he fuckin other girls, i hope they choke on it. i hate the fact i'm not the only one, but he don't care. he do him regardless. i do everything for him, regardless. but it's out of love. and iknow if i didn't love him, i woulda been dropped him. and i know if i won't so nieve and easy, he might love me. he probably like "why pay for the cow when the milk is free" and i'm like "take care of the one who feeds you" and he'll be like "girl you don't feed me" and i'm like "well lemme fall back again." he be like "there you go again" and i'm like "whatever nigga, bye.." once again.

they say "jb why you want him anyway, someone like him to wife you." i'm sayin doh "i love that nigga yo." to me he is the stars that lighten my dark nights, the sun that warms me up on a cool day; the snow that adds to the winter scenery. he means everthing and more to me. i couldn't put a price on his smile, because it's priceless.

i don;t know why i'm writing this cause everyone knows he don't love me. he don't care about me. and he will never. and one day when it finally hits, i'm outta here. i'm leaving him. i'll stop loving him..for sure.

i won't do the things i do for him.. i'ma leave him! FOR SURE.





but until then; i'm sittin here...stuck on him.

yeah, so JB, what more do you want from him? he not puttin in more, so how can you expect more?.................



-Jhasmyn.!*

"So where's the party at?"

"In my pants".

anyway, i'm really feeling some type of way right now. like i'm just going to let it alllll out. i don't care if you feel offended or whatever. idc, so what bitch.

so let's talk about this boy! you can tell me if i'm wrong or not. idc, cause i still feel the same way. but whatever.
soo how about i hit this guy up, let's call him CT. i hit him up to see him cause he swear up and down i never hit him up. so i do it! he tell me to come to his friend house parrty. mmkay. so i do thhat. me n my friend leesa. so i mean we speak. exchange a few words n that's it. i know of some people in that house, i made associates. whatever.so then leesa looks at me n nods her head over to CT and was like really? lol. so he was definitely doin his thing for a goooood minute with another girl. i wasn't spoken to until i get up to leave, and he tries to give me a hug. smh. no sir. that's not flying with me. i was sooo pissed last night. i had tears in my eyes i wanted to punch the shit outta him. like if you were going to ignore my ass the whole night and dry fuck girls all night, why even bother. niggas i swear. and it's not like i'm mad that he was gettin danced on, cause i danced to. he coulda talked to his friends all night, it's just the simple fact that i was ignored. you don't ignore me. i know how to fix that though.


NEXT. i HATE DESPERATE BOYS!!!!! lol. haha. funny. here's the situation.
this boy tried to get at me over fb, tried to act like he was tryna get to know me on a friendship level. whatever, i'll do that. i dont care cause i don't like yo ass. my ass won't ever catch no feelings for you and i'll never fuck you. so let's call this guy TC. he definitely tried talking to my friend,me, and told my friend at the party that he would eat her out.. i mean, come on. how more nasty can you be. and wack at that. so moving on. you add my friend krystel and you KNOW we're friends and you're trying to get to know her ... come on bro. you act like females don't talk. YOU ARE WACK.

i have the worst attitude when people make me mad. smh. and i hate boys. especially the two i just mentioned. like, lose my number, don't speak to me when i'm around. ignore me last night, ignore me forever. don't talk to me, talk to my friends. assholes. UGH.